Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
