So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
