i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Damn victory sex feels great
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
