have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
