Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
