Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
