i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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