how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
