4 words: hood of his car
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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