You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
