so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
