We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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