i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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