Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
