you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
