...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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