so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
