..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have demons in me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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