Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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