now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
