I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
