If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
