He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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