just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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