If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then my night got REAL pukey
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
