wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
