Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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