I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
