I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
