Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
