Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
