i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
