the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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