So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
