Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Randomize
