I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
