Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
