New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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