u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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