Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We need to rekindle our bromance
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
