Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
