dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
