Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
