So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
