Kareoke will never be a sober sport
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
