I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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