I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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