I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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