HIV tests are more positive than that guy
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
