you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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