Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
