she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
