"it" just moved
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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