The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
