HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
