last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
