remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
