I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
