he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
