Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
