Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love having hate sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
