I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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