I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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