Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She bit a glass in half.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
