I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
