I have demons in me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
