apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
