Are we in a gay sports bar?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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