i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
