I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
