ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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