ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
