youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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