I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
