He uses pillows to masturbate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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