The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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