so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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