At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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