Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
