please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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