She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They are going to name an STD after you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
