he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
