I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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