so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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