Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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