Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
