I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
