We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
