I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
