So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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